(here is my attempt at journaling my experience becoming apollo's momma. Don't feel like you have to read this... or comment.. My brain is all over the place.)
Eee. I love my baby so much. He is the best.
This is going to be a mess -- but I just wanted to write this down for me really fast.
I went into the doctor on Monday and the doctor decided to send me over for a Non Stress Test at the hospital because my blood pressure was high. (but also I had just been pulled over so duh my blood pressure was high) they monitored me for a million years and it was normal the rest of the time, but the doctor decided to induce me because the baby's heart beat dropped once and also the other medical stuff thats been going on. I was so excited/scared. I kept feeling really guilty, like I was making the baby come before he needed to. he doctor kept scaring me by mentioning c-section, because there is a higher risk of a c-section with an induction (at least on the first baby, I'm not sure about 2nds or 3rds) I had so much to do around the house but I couldn't make myself do anything. I just was in this state of shock and awe that I would be going into the hospital that night, and coming out with a baby.
I went into the hospital at nine, where they gave me Cervidil to kick start my labor by softening the cervix. I had the worst nurse ever. Okay not really but she kept trying to like.... SCARE me about labor. When they had to put an IV in she was like waving the stupid thick needle around and saying how this was the worst part of her labors, and she did it natural and blah blah blah. Instant panic mode. I am so glad my mom was there with me, because Aaron was at work. He came at around midnight and slept on the couch in the room. I think I slept for about an hour and then
Then, they were going to give me Pitocin at 6 am. I didn't expect contractions to start until I was given the Pitocin, but they were there all night long. I started to REALLY feel them at 3 am and that was enough for me. I think I was able to sleep one hour in between 9 and 6 am. I practically begged for the epidural.... I don't really remember most of this but apparently I asked like 6 times about the epidural and Aaron basically wanted to tell me to shut up.
The REAL mistake here is that my nurse mentioned that I could probably get it if I was dilated to x amount, and then LIED TO ME and said I was at x amount. And then she told me what time the anesthesiologist came in. And then her shift was over. So who's REALLY at fault here? (me).
Once I got the epidural I was able to sleep, but to me it seemed like an hour from when I got the epidural that it was time to push. The weird thing about the epidural is that it takes away the stingy ouchy pains, but you can feel all of the pressure. Every hour and a half they would check my cervix to see how dilated I was. (WHICH REALLY REALLY hurt before the epidural) I was stuck at 5 centimeters for about three hours, and they like first time moms to dilate about a cm every hour and a half apparently, so of course they had to worry me about the baby not fitting or something stupid. Anyway, the next check I was about 6 cm dilated, so they weren't worried anymore.
All of a sudden I started to feel like, INTENSE pressure. It seriously felt like a bowling ball resting on my pelvis and I couldn't contract ANY muscles south of the border, if you know what I am saying. It was definitely an odd sensation and would have hurt WAY worse had I not had the epidural, but was intense enough for me as it was. Actually it was a pretty cool feeling. Aaron was super sweet with me after I got the epidural, he tried to distract me with filling out forms (duh, like my number one hobby). I don't think I was very nice with him throughout the process... but I definitely wasn't like mean or mad at him or anything like that. I just wanted to suffer in peace most of the time. Anyway, I started to feel that intense pressure and twenty minutes later had the nurse check me and I was 10 cm dilated and fully effaced -- ready to go. It was so exciting. I have no sense of time for any of this, really, but what we did was "rest and descend" which means I didn't push, we just let the baby come downwith the contractions. So instead of pushing for a million hours, we just did that. Which was really intense. The feeling of needing to push was so strong.
Pushing was really cool. Honestly, the desire to push made it easy to follow directions and do whatever it took to get that baby out. I loved this part, as intense as it was. I only pushed for about twenty minutes. The feeling was so strong, the pressure was crazy and it burned like crazy too. I wish I could explain it. The best part was how much everyone in the room was cheering me on, it was like I had my own cheer squad. Everyone kept saying how good of a pusher I was (but maybe that was just to keep up my spirits)...
The feeling of the baby coming out
was AWESOME. I seriously felt every limb leaving my body. I am definitely not one of those women who miss being pregnant. I do not miss the feeling of the baby moving, having a round, rock hard stomach, I definitely don't miss my allergic reactions to the the pregnancy hormones... being not pregnant is 19453434 times better than being pregnant.
Anyway, the plan was for the baby to be placed on my tummy, but the doctor totally forgot (and apologized 4092490380 times about it) but right above me I got to see Aaron cutting the cord, and our sweet little baby covered in all of his bidness. Aaron grabbed the camera and took a few shots of the baby being cleaned off. And then it was my turn. As the doctor stitched me up, (OW. Worst thing of my life. honestly. I was grabbing the doctors arm the whole time) I was handed my sweet babe, he was cute, and so quiet. Content just to stare at me.
I love him so much.
Everything is honestly such a blur. I feel like such a bad mom sometimes. The baby didn't get to eat for a long time because there were a million people there at one point. Also, we didn't have his bath for a long time for the same reason. I feel so bad writing that, because I didn't realize it at the time. Aaron just told me the nurses said it was okay to go that long without feeding so I shouldn't feel THAT bad.
The first few hours after having Apollo were kind of crazy. Getting up to go to the bathroom was practically traumatic. I had no idea how much you bled after having a baby. I laughed in the nurses face when she showed me my panties and the pads I had to wear. Honestly, I don't know why they don't just put you in a diaper after having a baby... the pads were like 10 inches wide and like 15 inches long or something. At least thats how it seemed. There was a whole process to follow after going to the bathroom and it was just... seriously crazy. I almost died when they said to let them know if I passed a clot bigger than my FIST. What?????
I'm glad I spent the time in the hospital that I did, being a first time mom and everything. It was so nice to have the nurses help you with all of your questions, especially about nursing. But I'm not sure I'd want to spend all the time in there again. At one point they took him away to do a blood test (this makes me so mad) the blood test was for hemophilia, which runs in my family, but they had to get like an adult sized tube of his blood, which is so ridiculous for a days old baby. So I asked them to bring him to me when it was time, and then it took like 3 hours to get him after that. The poor baby went like 6 hours without eating because she kept him away from me for so long, and then was too tired to eat a) because he was starting to get a little jaundice, which makes them sleepy and b) because his blood sugar levels were down :(:(:( ugh it makes me just so sad that she did that. All I wanted was to see my baby... and for him to get some freaking nutrition. As a result, we had to wait an extra 6 hours to leave because they needed to test his blood sugar levels before two feedings. gahhhh it made me sooo sad when they told me his blood sugar levels were "critically low" and I totally cried, thinking I was just the worst mom in the world. As soon as he was fed again his levels went way up, and he was able to leave with us.
Being home is just the best feeling in the world. I am so in love with my little family, and about 90% of the time I'm totally emotional about it. I just want to take care of Aaron and Apollo and do nothing else for the rest of my life. I love them. Aaron supported me so well between pregnancy and definitely through labor and being home with the baby.
Our baby is the sweetest thing. He doesn't cry very much or for very long, and I could just stare at him all day. I know it could change and that he may be quite the crier in a couple of weeks, but for now I just love him. I want to marry him.
Take a shower before you leave for the hospital
I don't think I was able to shower for 36 hrs after I got to the hospital. My friend even TOLD me to do this, and I forgot. It hadn't been long since I took a shower, but next time I will make sure I get the best shower EVER before I go.
Get a pedicure/facial/manicure
This is probably the best preparation I did for childbirth. Yeah, maybe my feet, face, and hands swelled up to giant proportions, but DANG my toes looked good and the nurses all told me so.
Ask the nurses for anything you need.
I kept feeling guilty and that I was getting in their way or getting on their nerves.
Let the nurses take the baby overnight.
Now that I'm home, every little coo or wiggle makes me worried he's hungry/wet/thinks that there is a lion out to get him. I'll never sleep again. HE'S SO CUTE. I have heard friends say they couldn't sleep because how could they know that the baby is breathing? I thought that sounded so silly... until last night
Let people bring you dinner.
I saw a woman the other day who had a baby the same day Apollo was born, and I just felt so bad for her. She had to sit on this inflatable donut and was limping to sit down in the waiting room at the pediatric office. That being said, it is a busy time to have to worry about cooking dinner, and I am not nearly in the shape that some people are after their birth experience... ouch.